Watching your child fail is one of the most difficult things to do as a parent. Naturally, we want to set them up for success. While there are many ways to do this, sometimes one method parents use is control. We control their behaviours, make decisions for them, and stop them before they do something that will blow up in their face. 

There are many degrees to this control, and sometimes it is necessary. You can’t have your toddler put a small object in their mouth or allow your 10-year-old to wander the downtown streets at midnight. But sometimes we go too far, and instead of allowing them to have choice in smaller matters, we make their decisions for them. Scientists have proven too much control or ‘helicopter parenting’ can have the opposite effect you want it to: instead of setting your child up for success, you’re setting them up for failure because they will never learn the decision-making processes they need to be a successful adult. It is wonderful to provide guidance or advice, but when it comes to non-safety and non-health related matters, forcing them to do something your way doesn’t give your child any practice or experience making their own choices – both of which are necessary. Like with any skill, decision-making requires learning and practice. 

The learning comes from parents or educational programs like LIFT from the BBB Education Foundation of Manitoba, where educators show students how to think about decisions in different contexts and give them tools they need to make decisions in the future. Practice comes from various situations where children and youth need to now rely on those tools and come to a conclusion about how they should proceed. The better of a foundation they have and the more they practice ethical decision-making, the more success they’ll find. Allowing your child to make their own decisions in certain situations also has the benefit of building their self-trust and self-esteem, two pillars of mental health that will serve them throughout their lives. Of course, if we do all we can to empower them to make good decisions with that power, that will only further these benefits as they reap the rewards of their own choices. 

The LIFT program is a fantastic way to help build that foundation, especially in teenage years, where youth are typically not particularly keen to listen to those that nurture them.

The last great benefit of teaching a child strong decision-making skill and having the strength to let them make their own decisions (even when that means watching them suffer negative consequences on occasion) is 

motivation. Children and youth who are given a little more freedom to make their own choices are typically more self-motivated than those who are kept under strict control at all times. Again, this self-motivation will be a major asset as they work toward their personal and professional goals. 

Empowering youth is in the hands of nurturers and educators, but there’s always help available through programs like LIFT. For more information, make a donation or register for the LIFT program visit www.bbbef.org or contact [email protected]